At this stage, you\u2019ve processed the information they shared with you and are offering your take on it. At this point, agreeing or not agreeing doesn\u2019t matter that much since the other person already feels some basic validation. When you register or acknowledge what the other person is sharing with you, you\u2019ve validated them.<\/p>\n
They understand emotions have their own value, irrespective of how they arise. They understand emotions need to be explored, not dismissed. If you\u2019ve never experienced anything close to what they have, they\u2019ll think you\u2019re lying or being insincerely polite.<\/p>\n
A key component to making someone feel seen and heard is to, well, see and hear them. It is always good to ask questions so that we fully understand what the other person is telling us. Try to be attentive and to not asking the same questions too many times. The other person will appreciate our trying to understand them better and it can result with better connection. Try to get in tune with the mutual rhythm of the conversation and be open and curious. Is there something from their experience that rings a bell to you?<\/p>\n
Mutual Invalidation As Relationship Toxicity<\/h2>\n
The foundation of validation psychology is the need for social acceptance. When people receive confirmation, they feel more secure and confident in interaction. Building resilience and promoting positivity online can be achieved by engaging in meaningful activities, connecting with supportive communities, and sharing positive experiences. Evidence suggests that these practices can enhance self-worth and self-esteem. Authenticity indicators, such as consistent posting patterns and engagement with diverse content, can help differentiate between genuine and inauthentic interactions on social media.<\/p>\n
While social media can provide a platform for connection and support, it can also be a breeding ground for negativity and toxicity. Therefore, setting boundaries is vital for maintaining a healthy relationship with social media. Boundaries can take many forms, such as limiting the amount of time spent on social media or unfollowing accounts that trigger negative emotions. Practicing mindfulness and celebrating small victories are some ways that individuals can cultivate gratitude and self-worth, which may lead to a more supportive online community. In addition to unfollowing toxic accounts, another strategy for fostering positive interactions on social media is through limiting screen time.<\/p>\n
In the workplace, validation strengthens relationships by showing empathy, which in turn, promotes collaboration and reduces misunderstandings. To validate means to recognize or affirm the validity or worth of a person\u2019s feelings. The difference between acknowledging and validating is in the emphasis on their feelings. Without judgment (right or wrong) or agreement, validation just allows the person to release and gain some form of normalcy in their situation. Validation is a communication skill that can help both parties in a conversation feel heard and understood. Validation shows that you are truly listening to understand the other person\u2019s feelings and point of view, even if you disagree.<\/p>\n
Invalidation is emotionally upsetting for anyone, but particularly hurtful for someone who is emotionally sensitive. Sometimes this type of validation helps someone sort through their thoughts and separate thoughts from emotions. “So basically I’m feeling pretty angry and hurt,” would be a self-reflection. “Sounds like you’re disappointed in yourself because you didn’t call him back,” could be accurate reflection by someone else.<\/p>\n
Seeking Professional Help<\/h3>\n
Supporting social justice movements is crucial in creating a more equitable and just society, as it requires active participation in initiatives that address systemic inequalities. Intersectional activism is an approach that recognizes the interconnectedness of various forms of oppression, such as racism, sexism, ableism, and homophobia. By understanding how these systems intersect and affect different groups of people differently, individuals can work towards promoting collective liberation for all.<\/p>\n
Beating ourselves up for how we feel by telling ourselves we should feel some other way just adds negative emotions to the pile. You can think of validation as a combination of listening to understand and expressing that understanding while being open to correction if necessary. Taking these steps allows the other person to know that you can see their point of view.<\/p>\n
The key lies in flexibility; knowing when a situation calls for practical solutions and when it requires emotional attunement is key to being a productive validator, as well as knowing when to shift between the two. When I first learned about this and other validation skills as a therapist, I wasn\u2019t blown away by the novelty of them. But the transformative power they hold becomes apparent once you\u2019ve memorised them, honed them and internalised when to use them. So, reviewing the specific approaches I\u2019ve covered as needed, test them out in your own interactions with others, remember to fall back on easier skills when necessary, and continue to practise. Equalising communicates that a person\u2019s reaction is reasonable or justified, using a somewhat different approach.<\/p>\n
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Invalidation between ideologically polarized groups increases polarization. Given the central role that validation plays in cultivating successful relationships, such changes may sit at the core of relationship growth. While validation is critical in any kind of relationship, it is particularly critical in all kinds of loving relationships, including romantic relationships. An unfortunate feature of the human social experience is the fact that people have a broad suite of ways to hurt one another emotionally. Telling someone not to let something bother them often makes us feel better because it seems to take the problem off the table.<\/p>\n
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- Getting off the merry-go-round of validation comes easier for some than others, says Janice Kuo, a professor of psychology at Palo Alto University.<\/li>\n
- To accomplish this only takes some patience and understanding on your part.<\/li>\n
- After you\u2019ve acknowledged that the person exists, the next key area of validation is identity.<\/li>\n
- Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
It allows us to move beyond our own perspective and genuinely try to understand another person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences without rushing to judge, fix, or dismiss them. In fact, it may well be the case that mutual validation is a core feature of any truly loving relationship. You do not believe, in your heart, that what the person is saying is factual.<\/p>\n
To validate someone\u2019s feelings, start by listening to them. Make eye contact and put away any distractions to show them that they have your full attention. As they talk, ask clarifying questions or try rephrasing what they say in your own words to make sure that you really understand what they\u2019re trying to say.<\/p>\n
When evaluation happens during registration, it short-circuits expression, making the other person feel they\u2019re not given space to express themselves fully. Beliefs, attitudes, opinions, and values-all comprise our identity. Therefore, validating any of these is part of validating one\u2019s identity.<\/p>\n
Since understanding the power of validation, I\u2019ve made a conscious effort to weave it into all my conversations. Whether with colleagues, friends, or family, I\u2019ve seen firsthand how it transforms dialogue into connection. After a few such interactions, Friend 1 may stop initiating conversations. Validation isn\u2019t about agreeing\u2014it\u2019s about showing you get where the other person is coming from, before you offer your own point of view. Validation means accepting another person\u2019s thoughts, emotions, or behavior as understandable, even if we don\u2019t agree with them.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
At ClearerThinking, we conduct psychology research and create free, interactive tools to help you form healthy habits, understand your biases, make better decisions, and achieve your goals. Get the help you need from a therapist near you\u2013a FREE service from Psychology Today. Kiki Fehling, Ph.D., is co-author of Self-Directed DBT Skills. She specializes in DBT, …<\/p>\n